open your eyes and you'll see the stars
by lowi
Summary: When everything is changing, when you have to fight for so much, when those you've trust suddenly isn't on your side anymore, what do you do? Set after season three, non-compliant with season four. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Thanks to mew (mew-tsubaki) for betareading!_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Merlin grabbed a piece of bread and took a bite while buttoning his shirt. He couldn't understand where time had gone, but suddenly he had only five minutes until Arthur would be yelling for his breakfast.

"Merlin, what's the rush?" Gaius asked as he looked up from his book.

Merlin swallowed before answering. "I have to get down to the laundry room as well before going up to Arthur."

"Oh, I see."

Merlin finally managed to get the last button right and poured himself a glass of water. "That's right, Gaius, did you seen Gwaine yesterday?"

Gaius lifted his head again and peered at Merlin from above his glasses. "No, why?"

"Just wondering. He seemed to be so distant last we talked." It had been two days ago, and Merlin was afraid it had something to do with Gwaine's newly won status as a knight. It had been almost three weeks since they had recaptured Camelot and slowly things were starting to return to normal. Or, as normal as it could be, with Uther bedridden and so traumatized of Morgana's betrayal he refused to speak, the new knights trying to find their place in Camelot's court, and the reparation of all the damage the fight had caused to the town.

But, all in all, things were heading in the right direction. So, that's why Merlin dearly hoped Gwaine wasn't having second thoughts about staying in Camelot, not now, when it finally looked as though they had gotten rid of all the problems.

Of course, Morgana and Morgause still were somewhere out there, and of course Merlin still had to hide his magic, but at least there wasn't a traitor within their court.

Gaius nodded as he returned to his book. "Well, you could always talk to him."

"I will," Merlin answered as he opened the door. "See you later!"

"Yes, Merlin. Have a nice day."

Merlin hurried down the stairs and entered the big, steamy laundry room that was in the basement of the castle.

"There you are!" A rather plump, red-faced woman approached Merlin with a pile of clothes. "I thought you said you'd be here earlier."

"Oh, sorry, I got a bit caught up," Merlin said to her as she dumped the heap into his arms. It was so heavy he almost wobbled a bit—he had no idea clothes could weigh this much. All right, there were a _lot_ of clothes, so maybe he shouldn't be surprised.

He began ascending the stairs after thanking the woman, who quickly disappeared back into the mist-filled room after a firm pat on his shoulder.

When he passed Uther's room he suddenly halted—were those steps he could hear? It had to be, but was it even possible Uther had gotten better this quickly? Yesterday Merlin knew he hadn't even said a word, not even to Arthur, so could it really be him walking around in there? Merlin leaned close to the door, to try and hear what was going on in there. But there were no voices to be heard, only heavy footsteps. It had to be Uther pacing around in his room, Merlin concluded before giving up and leaving.

Finally Merlin reached Arthur's door. After taking some deep breathes as he had run out of these by carrying his load all the way up five stairs, he opened the door - as quiet as possible since he didn't know whether Arthur would be up yet.

"Hi, Merlin." Merlin turned around since he had used his foot and elbow to open the door and saw Arthur, fully dressed and sitting by his window.

"Oh, er… Hi. I'm so sorry I'm late," Merlin stumbled over his words as he hurried over to the wardrobe and began hanging up the clothes. "I just got caught up, and then I…had to talk to Gaius, and, er…well, you'll have your breakfast in a moment!" He turned over and gave Arthur a wide smile, to show him that he was a bit sorry but would make it up to Arthur.

Arthur didn't look at him.

"Arthur?" Merlin slowly approached, but Arthur kept staring out the window, apparently deep in thought. "What?"

Now, though, Arthur turned around. "What do you mean, _what_?"

"What is it?" Merlin tilted his head a bit, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips thanks to Arthur's bewilderment.

"Nothing," Arthur answered, as if Merlin was completely stupid.

"All right, it's _nothing_ that makes you ignore I haven't finished your breakfast, it's _nothing_ that makes you gaze out that window and not question my explanations as to why I'm late; sure, it's _nothing_."

Arthur raised his eyebrows. "Merlin, are you a complete fool? Shouldn't you be happy that I don't care about that?"

"I am, but I'm also curious as to why you aren't yelling at me," Merlin answered casually as he began putting Arthur's breakfast on the table.

"Well, I thought it would be nice for a change," Arthur said and nudged Merlin with his elbow as he passed him and sat down by the table. But there was something that wasn't right here; Merlin was certain of it, but he didn't want to nag, so he changed the topic.

"I heard steps from Uther's chamber?"

"Oh, yes." Arthur grabbed a mug and took a sip. "Yesterday evening he suddenly got up, and it seems as though he has regained full power. At least it sounded so; he said he had so much to do, and he couldn't wait until today to get them all going."

"Plans? Like what?" Merlin asked, trying to sound nonchalant not to show the nervousness he could feel spreading in him.

"How to find Morgana and Morgause. You have no idea how angry he was yesterday, with _everything_."

"Like?"

"First of all Morgana, but Morgause for corrupting her, magic, and…me." Arthur looked down at the table for a second.

Merlin felt a jolt in his stomach when he heard Arthur saying _magic_; he had hoped that things would perhaps be different now. Or, really, he had known there wouldn't be a change, but he couldn't help that he _had_ wished for it. Now, though, there were more important things. "Why would he be angry with you?" Merlin asked. Arthur really seemed upset over this, so Merlin figured that was why Arthur had been acting so odd all morning.

"What do you think?" Arthur answered with a crooked smile. "Because I dubbed Gwaine, Lance, Elyan, and Percival. Of course Father now accuses me of being foolish, since none of them are noble." Arthur sighed before continuing. "But what else should I've done?"

Merlin gave Arthur a sad smile. "I think you did the right thing, there was no other choice."

"Yes, but that doesn't matter, does it? Father will still be angry with me—and with the knights."

Merlin narrowed his eyes. "Why is he angry with them?" It really didn't make sense, they hadn't done anything wrong.

"I don't know, but he's sent Gwaine away, I think—"

"He has _what_?" Merlin interrupted.

Arthur nodded. "I guess it's because he was banished, but now that I had made him a knight he couldn't refuse him from staying in Camelot. So instead he sent him on a mission."

"Seriously? Where?" Merlin realized this was the reason to why Gwaine had acted so oddly yesterday; he must have talked to Uther just before and received his orders.

Arthur gave Merlin a wary look. "To find Morgana and Morgause."

"No way. That is—that is just too dangerous."

"I know, I tried telling Father this, but he wouldn't listen. And it only made him angrier with me." Arthur looked down once again, fingering a spot on his spoon but not eating.

Merlin returned to the clothes he hadn't hanged up before and continued with his work. He was deep in thought; all he had found out in about five minutes made him regret getting out of bed in the morning. He should have stayed there forever, so he could have been unknowing of all Uther had accomplished in only one night.

Suddenly Arthur arose from the table and walked back to the window. Merlin frowned. There was something else that was wrong, he was certain of it.

"Er…" he began, not having a clue of what to say. He just wanted to fill out the silence, so he blurted out the first he could think of. "Have you spoken to Gwen recently?" He grinned and turned around to face Arthur.

Arthur looked straight at him. What on earth was going on? Merlin felt really confused and his smile disappeared quickly—Arthur's look was too stern to be able to keep it. But he hadn't done anything wrong, had he? Just the other day everything had been as usual between Gwen and Arthur, awkward and sweet.

"No." Arthur finally said. "But I have seen her."

"All right…?" Merlin said a bit suspiciously.

"Yes." Arthur looked down and folded his arms, as if he tried to brace himself. "I saw her kissing Lancelot, Merlin."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Arthur smiled—it was a rather forced smile, but a smile nevertheless.

Merlin had absolutely no idea of how to answer Arthur. He simply stood there, by the cupboard, his eyes fastened on Arthur's hard expression.

When Arthur then lowered his head, biting on his lower lip, Merlin finally came up with something to say. "But maybe it was nothing; maybe it was, er, Lance who kissed her." He paused and pulled a hand through his hair. "You know," he added, since he thought it had come out all wrong.

"It's sweet that you care, Merlin," Arthur said with a faint grin, but not sincere enough to make his dimples show, "but Gwen seemed to enjoy that kiss a lot."

Arthur once again looked out through the window, and he looked so broken, so lost, Merlin felt just as upset. "Maybe you should talk to her?" he asked softly.

"Won't do any difference, or any good." Arthur twirled round, a new look on his face, one Merlin had no idea what it could possibly mean. "And, besides, _I_ shouldn't be chasing _her_, should I?" he continued.

Merlin gave Arthur a questioning look.

"I'm the prince; she's a servant, nothing more!" Arthur began pacing the room, an exasperated air all around him, his hands pulling through his hair so many times.

"But I thought you liked her?" Merlin guessed Arthur was too troubled, and stubborn, to be able to think clearly.

"No, I don't care anymore," Arthur stated and sat down again, folding his arms tightly.

"All right, you don't." Merlin raised his eyebrows without meeting Arthur's eyes.

"I swear, I don't!" Arthur pursed his lips for a moment. "I think she has hurt me enough," he added silently.

Merlin said nothing. A tiny bit of him actually agreed, no matter how much he cared for Gwen. Because the way she had treated Arthur, he really deserved so much more. As soon as Lance wasn't nearby, sure, Arthur would be the one and only for her. But then, when Lancelot would come to Camelot, it seemed to be, er, _troublesome_ for Gwen to be content with Arthur…

And before, it had never been more than secret smiles, looks, conversations between Gwen and Lance. Of course these had also hurt Arthur, because, oh yes, Merlin had seen it, how Arthur had tried his best not to show any of his frustration over Gwen's actions. He simply couldn't act, that man.

This time though, it was just too much. It couldn't be denied, that was it. There were no militating circumstances for Gwen anymore. So Arthur was right; he should give up on Gwen. He had tried long enough.

"Merlin, hasn't she?" Arthur's voice interrupted Merlin's thoughts. Merlin looked up and saw Arthur looking so intently at him; there was no choice for Merlin but to tell him the truth. It didn't matter that what Arthur probably would _want_ to hear were reassurances that he shouldn't give up, that Gwen actually did love him.

"She has," Merlin answered and looked down.

Arthur nodded, looking out into the thin air, as he thought really hard. After a while he stood up, his brow furrowed, and said determinedly, "Good, then I know that."

Merlin gave him a soft smile and opened his mouth. He didn't know what to say, he realized later, but he just wanted Arthur to know…_something_. That it was all right.

But Arthur interrupted him quickly. "It's okay." His cheeks reddened as he swallowed. "You can—er—go now."

"Okay." Merlin walked out but couldn't help smirking a bit as he closed the door. Arthur's embarrassed face, it was just priceless.

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. Merlin did all his chores without really paying attention to them. The only thing he could think about was Arthur and Gwen. What should he do? Maybe he actually should try and mend things, because, really… Shouldn't he at least try?

He was so deep in his thoughts when he walked through a corridor that it was by pure accident he glanced out through the window. And what he saw…well, it made him glad he had cast an eye out that window.

Right outside, Lancelot and Gwen sat on a bench, both so unaware of their surroundings it put a little grin on Merlin's mouth. After looking at them for a while, he realized it might seem a bit creepy with him staring at them, so he turned around and continued his walk. The last he saw of them, though, was that Lancelot grabbed Gwen's hand and held it tightly.

This really gave him a lot to consider. It sure seemed that Gwen and Lance were happy together, even happier than Arthur and Gwen had ever been. He had at least never seen such softness between them, such pure adoration.

And since Arthur didn't want to chase after Gwen, or so he said, wouldn't it be wrong of Merlin to try and interfere? Wouldn't it be much more likely then that he destroyed it all? Then it would be impossible for Gwen to go back to Arthur, since she, er, obviously wasn't interested to continue. And then Lance would be hurt, and they would never regain the relationship they now had.

No, Merlin thought determinedly, this time he was going to stay out of Arthur's business. He would not try and fix it for Arthur, only be there for him as his servant and friend. He was _not_ going to play matchmaker.

A little content smile appeared on his lips as he came to this conclusion. He felt a little hint of pride inside him, he almost felt _wise_.

* * *

The evening had come, and Merlin was finally done with his work. Today had been really exhausting, no thanks to his duties but because of his mind's work. But he had at least come to a decision, no matter that he hadn't been able to let go of his thoughts about the quite interesting, in fact, triangle drama in Camelot.

Now, though, he was going to have a good night's sleep. He opened the door to his and Gaius' rooms, with a wide smile on his face.

Which dropped rather quickly.

"Merlin! There you are!" Gaius stood in the middle of the room, looking furious. His trousers were drawn up and the hems on them were soaking. In fact, all of the room was soaking.

"Er…what happened?" Merlin asked carefully.

"_You_ have happened here! _Your _stupid brain is what has happened here." Gaius strode over to him, and Merlin noticed there were buckets all over the place and cloths lying scattered simply everywhere. "Or wasn't it you who experimented with a water spell this morning? And forgot to end it? And thereby caused a flood in here?"

"Oh, that's right," Merlin said with a nervous chuckle. "I…yeah, forgot about it." He pulled a hand through his hair and smiled, though the smile was strained.

Gaius simply stared at him.

"Well—so—what should I do?" Merlin stuttered as he felt rather intimidated by Gaius glaring.

"You should do nothing!" Gaius said and threw his hands up. "There is nothing to be done; I've got an archivist to help me restore my books and everything else that has been destroyed."

"Oh." Merlin felt confused. He hadn't meant, of course, to cause this, but this morning he had just been too stressed. And then he had had so much else on his mind. "Where are you going?" he then asked as he noticed Gaius grabbing a bag and beginning to head to the door.

"To the tavern." Gaius answered shortly. "I'll be sleeping there tonight."

"But—what about me?"

"I don't know," Gaius said with his eyebrows raised. "You caused this mess; you'll have to fix it yourself." With that, he walked out.

Merlin sighed. Where would he go? He had absolutely no idea. Before, he could have gone to Gwen's, but he really didn't want to have that awkward conversation about Lance with her, not tonight. And what if he even _met _Lance at her place? He shuddered at the thought as he walked out of the room after grabbing a bag with some clothes and other things.

He walked around aimlessly in the castle for a while as he desperately tried to come up with somewhere to go. Suddenly a door opened to the right of him and Arthur came out. He realized he was outside Uther's chamber.

"Oh, hi, Arthur." Merlin gave him a weak smile.

"Merlin? What are you doing here? Haven't you gone home yet?" Arthur asked, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

"Well, no." Merlin shrugged.

"So…?" Arthur asked again as he didn't get an answer. "How come?"

"Doesn't matter!" Merlin said and gave Arthur what he hoped would be a sincere smile.

Arthur began walking down to his room and pulled Merlin with him. "Well, in that case I'd say you walked up here just to stalk me, and you really want me to think that?"

Merlin laughed, first of all happy to hear Arthur had regained his good mood, at least some of it, since the morning. "Perhaps not. I'm so sorry to disappoint you."

"Come on," Arthur said as they halted outside his door. "Just tell me, Merlin."

Merlin looked down. He didn't want to tell since it made him feel as though he was begging Arthur for help, but he guessed he had to, as there was something in Arthur's eyes to which he couldn't say no.

"I don't know where to sleep tonight," he blurted out. "Our rooms are flooded, and it was my fault, so Gaius is pretty angry with me." He scrunched up his nose in a smile.

"You flooded your rooms?" Arthur asked incredulously. "Seriously?"

"Yes," Merlin stated.

Arthur laughed. "You never cease to cheer me up," he said and patted Merlin on his shoulder. "But if you want, you can stay here; we can put a mattress on the floor or something."

"No—I'll just fi—" Merlin began.

"Shut it. You won't find anywhere else, and I want you in shape tomorrow. I think we've got a lot to do, so you have to get a good night's sleep." Arthur walked into his chamber without waiting for an answer, and Merlin swallowed. He didn't know why, but suddenly he felt really nervous about sleeping in Arthur's room.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: I'm really sorry this took so long. I don't even have an excuse, but I hope this chapter will make it up to you! Thanks for the reviews I've got, they means a lot, and also thanks to my wonderful beta mew (mew-tsubaki)._

**Chapter 3**

Something soft hit Merlin over his head. He grunted a bit and opened his eyes just halfway due to the strong light. Above him Arthur stood and grinned widely.

"So, Merlin, aren't you supposed to be up before me?" he asked with mock confusion.

"…ugh," Merlin groaned. "Sure, but that doesn't justify you throwing pillows at me."

"Does it not?" Arthur asked, a smile about to break out on his lips.

"No! And I have told you two times before!" Merlin turned over in his bed, so not to have to see Arthur. "Do you always wake up this early?" he mumbled.

Arthur didn't answer, though. Merlin felt himself drifting back to sleep, because, really, it _was_ too early to get up. It had been the same the two days before; Arthur had woken up much longer before him.

But being awakened by a slightly hyper Arthur was actually the only bad thing about sharing room with Arthur. Everything else worked out really nicely. Of course, the first night it had taken him a long time to fall asleep, as he was so stressed out by what felt like everyone in Camelot: Gaius, Gwen, Lancelot and Arthur, and Gwaine.

And the fact he didn't know what to say to Arthur, even though he could hear him lying awake as well, twisting in bed and sighing, also bothered him.

Finally he had fallen asleep, a bit after Arthur—actually, he had dozed off to the relaxing sound of Arthur's even breaths. He had sort of made it a habit, waiting until he could hear Arthur entering his dreams every night, or the two most recent nights, that is, until he let himself doze off. It just was something that when Arthur was calm, he could let himself go, too. Then he didn't have to worry about him any longer.

He suddenly felt uneasy at the thought of returning to his own room, where he wouldn't hear Arthur's breaths as the last thing every night.

"Could you please get up _now_?" Arthur interrupted his half-awake musings.

"Sure, sure, I'm coming," Merlin said and began untangling himself from the sheets.

"Good, because I'm starving." Arthur sat by his table, cupping his cheek in his palm and staring intently at Merlin.

"Yeah, I'm going for it now," Merlin said as he had pulled a shirt on and began walking towards the door.

"Brilliant."

Merlin hurried down the stairs to the kitchens, inwardly chuckling as he thought of Arthur's bottomless stomach. He was so caught up in his mind that he barely heard someone yelling his name.

"Hey, Merlin!"

He turned around and saw Lancelot smiling at him. "Oh, hi!"

"I heard about the…er, disaster you caused?" Lancelot raised his eyebrows and grinned.

"Oh." Merlin blushed. "I guess you're the only one who _really _understands what happened."

"I guess so, too," Lancelot laughed. "Rather skilled of you, in my opinion."

Merlin laughed, too, and pulled a hand through his hair. "Yeah. Well, you seem to have succeeded rather well with something as well, right?"

Lancelot hesitated for no more than a second, and then a grin appeared on his lips. "You could say that, yes."

Merlin smiled. "I'm glad for you, guys, I really am."

"Thanks," Lancelot answered before looking a bit behind Merlin and blurting out, "…er, how is Arthur taking it?"

"Actually, rather good, I think," Merlin answered after thinking for a moment. It really seemed to be like that, ever since the first night after finding out about Gwen and Lancelot; he hadn't said anything and had appeared to be happy and not too heartbroken, in Merlin's eyes. "But we haven't spoken of it, not really, you know," he then added.

"No, I understand that, of course," Lancelot said and nodded slowly.

"Still, I do think he will approve of you. I mean, it's not like he'll use his position as prince to get Gwen."

"No, no, he wouldn't do that," Lancelot agreed quickly. "It's just that I don't want to hurt him, you know."

"I don't think he will be, maybe a bit initially, but nothing permanent," Merlin said softly.

Lancelot looked down and nodded again. "It's so difficult."

"Don't think of it," Merlin said and patted Lancelot on his shoulder. "Just be happy with Gwen." He really wanted them to have their happiness; the display of affection he had seen the other day—it just showed that the two of them were indeed meant to be. Arthur wasn't in the picture anymore; it was as simple as that. Well, of course he did want Arthur to be happy, too; he just needed to find someone else.

"Yeah," Lancelot said thoughtfully, with something hopeful in his eyes. "Sorry for holding you up, Merlin, and thanks."

Merlin smiled, and then he realized what Lance had just said. "Holding you up." Arthur's breakfast. Damn it.

"Got to go—see you, Lance!" he yelled over his shoulder as he set off in full speed, taking up his direction towards the kitchens.

He arrived to the crowded, hot rooms and grabbed a tray which he loaded with all of Arthur's favourite dishes for breakfast. Hopefully that would make it up for taking so long.

Then he took a piece of bread for himself and began hurrying back up the stairs, balancing the tray in one hand so he hold the bread with the other and take bites of it when he didn't have to steer around too many people.

"What took you so long?" Arthur asked, pouting slightly as Merlin arrived and put the tray down in front of the prince.

"…er," Merlin began. "I got…caught up." He didn't want to tell Arthur it was Lance to whom he'd been talking. That was something the two of them would have to sort out alone; he was not going to get stuck in that.

Arthur, though, didn't seem to pay any attention to Merlin's evasive answer, as he was too caught up eating.

"Why in such a hurry?" Merlin asked, frowning as Arthur practically threw the food down his throat.

"I just have a lot to do today," Arthur said after waving his spoon as he swallowed. "After training Father wants to see me."

"Oh," Merlin answered as he began making Arthur's bed.

"Yeah, so I'll be back here in two hours, and then we'll have to go immediately." Arthur rose from the table and left the room after grabbing his sword and letting Merlin help him with his chain mail.

* * *

"So, I've called you here to inform you about your mission," Uther said as he sat behind his desk in his room and gazed at the men before him. Arthur had nodded curtly to Lancelot but did nothing else; Elyan, Percival, Leon, and Merlin were all standing in front of him. The two hours had passed quickly for Merlin as all of his duties had had to be done much quicker than usual.

"Mission?" Arthur interrupted his father immediately, and received a stern look from the worn-out looking man. "Sorry, but, Father, you have to start from the beginning."

"I was coming to that. You all know that sir Gwaine has been sent out to track Morgana and Morgause, and this morning I got the message that he and his men have found them. So you all have to follow them, as he will need reinforcements."

Merlin swallowed as he heard Uther's words. He cast a glance over at Arthur to see if he, too, felt the solemn mood that had settled in the room. And, yes, Arthur's lips were closely pursed and he stared at Uther without blinking.

On his other side, Elyan was biting his lip and fumbling a bit with his sword's hilt. There really was something sinister about the way Uther folded his fingers, as if he challenged some of them to speak up. Merlin had no idea what was going on; he just hoped Uther hadn't gone crazy and lost it all because of his loss of Morgana.

Because, if he had, what could they do? Uther was the king; they couldn't disobey him. Not even Arthur could do that, no matter that he was the prince.

"So where are we going?" Arthur asked slowly as Uther remained silent.

"To the mountains of Milvos. It'll take you three days if you ride fast, which you must." Merlin narrowed his eyes. _The mountains of Milvos_? He had never even heard of these before. But at least Lancelot seemed familiar with these, as he inhaled deeply as he heard it and shuffled his feet.

"Where are those?" Arthur asked but was interrupted by Lancelot.

"I know them, sir, so don't worry about it."

Arthur gave him a look and nodded after hesitating a second. "All right, then. Good."

Lancelot smiled weakly and stepped back then so Arthur once more stood a little bit in front of the rest of them.

"And Father," he began, taking a deep breath. "What do we do when we find Morgana and Morgause?"

Uther gave him an impenetrable look before looking down at his hands. Then he opened his mouth and looked up again. "You kill them. Both of them."


End file.
